Geffner, R. – Pagelow, M.D. (1990). Mediation and custody in abusive relationships. Behavioral Sciences and the Law, 8. 151 – 159 Deposit does not mean property. Children cannot be owned as a car or a house. Childcare means that one (or both) parents have the final say in decision-making on important issues of child rearing (legal protection). As a general rule, custody also determines who the children reside with in the first place (physical custody).
Geffner and Pagelow (1990) argue that shared custody and mediation often act against the best interests of the child in abusive relationships. Shared custody should not be recommended if there is a history of abuse and intimidation, as issues of power and control will persist. Shared custody in these situations tends to revictimize abused spouses and their children and can in fact immortalize the intergenerational transmission of child abuse as they learn to identify with the abuser. (Geffner – Pagelow, 1990.) It is helpful to know your state`s preference for child care. Outside of exesuing circumstances, judges will generally follow the presumption of their state. So if you`re on the wrong side of the assumption, you`d better negotiate custody based on what you think is best. While there may be a few cases where outgoing parents agree on a custody plan, the majority of parents must negotiate to reach agreement on how they will raise their children after divorce. Finally, as a last resort, you can go to court. We go to court if you have not been able to come in another way. The trial is long, expensive, and extremely exhausting for the whole family, especially for children.
In most cases, parents recognize the burden of the divorce process on all and manage to establish a custody regime long before a trial becomes necessary. If you are able to negotiate a child care plan that benefits your children, you are both about to raise your children successfully, even if you are no longer together. Collaborative Team Practice: For this option to be successful, all parties must sign an agreement so that they are not brought to justice. Everyone, including lawyers, is required to reach an agreement. Once this agreement is signed, both parents will meet with a family coach to help develop an educational plan. The separation couple will also work with a financial specialist who can advise and assist in the development of a financial framework for separation, including considerations such as sped assistance and child care. Once this is complete, lawyers will work together to establish a legally binding agreement. This is often the quickest and cheapest way to get a divorce, because everyone is working hard to reach an agreement and avoid going to court.
They might be tempted to turn the negotiations of a custody plan into a battle, but it will be useless. Instead, focus on the children and how you and other parents owe them a stable life with lots of contacts from both of you. At the end of the day, no one knows your family as well as you and the other parents, and family courts would always prefer to see a custody plan developed jointly by both parents. As long as the child care plan is in the best interests of the children, it will probably be approved. Conflicts between outgoing spouses can be productive or destructive. Productive communication can absolutely solve problems.